The Homeless Guy
by AdorableElephant
Summary: Sticky and Constance meet a weird old homeless guy.


The Homeless Guy

**Summery: Sticky and Constance meets a weird old homeless guy.**

**YA WANNA KNOW SOMETHING? I DON'T OWN THE MYSTERIOUS BENEDICT SOCIETY OR ANY HOMELESS GUYS!**

**Please note this is not meant in offence to homeless guys or anybody in general.**

"Reynie, will you please run to the grocery store for me? Having so many people in the house, makes milk a little short around here, in fact there's a whole list of things I need you to get for me, if you will."

Rhonda said one cloudy early afternoon in Stonetown.

"I'm sorry Rhonda," Reynie said apologetically. "but I'm helping Number Two out this afternoon. She's having me help her clean the house."

"That's alright Reynie, I understand, I'll ask Sticky. I'd do it myself, but I'm afraid I'm lending Milligan and Kate a hand today." And Rhonda went across the street to Sticky's house.

Rhonda knocked on the front door and Mrs. Washington answered the door.

"Hello Mrs. Washington, is Sticky available?"

Mrs. Washington nodded, rolled her self aside, and gestured for Rhonda to come in.

"George!" she called. Sticky came running down the steps.

"Mom, I told you, just call me Sticky- Oh! Hello Rhonda!"

"Hey Sticky, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Sure. Anything." Sticky replied.

"Great. I need you to run down to the grocery store and get everything on this list for me. Here's the money." Rhonda said, handing him the list and a fifty dollar bill.

"Okay!" Sticky said grabbing his coat and starting toward the door.

"Oh! There's one more thing." Rhonda said. "You have to take Constance."

Sticky had never had the tolerance the others had had for Constance. Reynie had patience most people lacked, and Kate was just so optimistic that Constance rarely got to her the way she did to Sticky. So immediately, when Rhonda said that Constance was coming along so that she could pick out all the flavors and brands she wanted, Sticky regretted that he had agreed so soon.

So as Constance Contraire was walking with him through the isles of the grocery store, it was all Sticky could do to keep from yelling at her and taking her home. But he had promised Rhonda and he was determined not to let her down.

"Groceries are dumb, they smell worse than feet. But as gross as they are, they're required to eat." Was Constance's whine as Sticky pushed her past the vegetable isle in the cart. They had been there for nearly an hour and a half do to Constance's stubbornness and the immense amount of items on Rhonda's list.

"You didn't have any problem as we passed the candy when I first pushed you in." Sticky mumbled to himself.

"Sticky's a brain, he thinks he knows everything."

"Constance, please just-"

"He wants me to be quiet, but I just won't buy it."

"Constance, come on-"

"George Washington's the name, complaining's the game."

It became so bad that Sticky had to hurriedly pile everything up in the cart that was left on the list, toss it in the cart, and hastily take Constance out of the store after paying.

"George is in a hurry, outta the store he just scurried."

Sticky finally lost it.

"CONSTANCE!" he yelled. "WHAT IS THE MATTER? WE'RE DONE! WE'RE GOING HOME! YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP MAKING F-"

But before Sticky could finish his tirade, a scratchy voice in the alley next to Stowntown Grocery let out a screechy sentence.

"Keep it down over there, my buddy's trying to sleep here!"

Sticky grabbed Constance, who immediately pushed him away, and walked over to the alley. He wanted to see what or who it was, so he peeked into the space between the two buildings and what he saw kind of scared him a little. It was an old man dressed in rag-like clothing, who sat on a rough and ready throne of blankets and pillows that looked like they were previously used as a bed for a dog or a cat. Next to him lay a small brown ferret curled up on a pink pillow lying on top of a trash can.

The old hobo caught Sticky staring at the ferret and said: "The name's Darbo." Then after pausing he added "Her name is Shirley." And he pointed to the ferret. "I've been livin here twelve years." said the weird old man. "Shirley's been her' thirteen."

"But how could you know that if-" Sticky began but the man cut him off.

"Well I spoke to 'er o' course, she told me!" Just then ever-helpful Constance Contraire cut in.

"The homeless are weird, they speak with the ferret. This hobo is odd. So much, I can't bear it!"

But luckily for Sticky, the homeless man didn't seem to hear her. He just started mumbling random words.

"Ducky….yellow…..petunia….knat….Daniel…..Jack….Sophie…basketball…cat…"

"Yeah. Umm…we're just gonna go now…" Sticky said, steering Constance back towards Mr. Benedict's house. But the hobo would not have it.

"Wait!" he called. "I haven't given you a tour yet!" So Sticky turned around, not wanting to upset the man.

"Okay." He said. "Show us around."

"Alright!" The man seemed eager. "Well this is my chair and bed. This is Sophie's bed, this is the fridge, this is the rug, this is the binocular tank, and this is the lamp." Said Darbo, gesturing around at the ground, the wall, the trash bin, the blankets he was sitting on, the ferret pillow, and his own socks.

Sticky wasn't sure what a binocular tank was, so he just nodded politely and smiled. Constance, on the other hand, was a bit more expressing.

"Hoboes and socks, both gross as can be. Now, going home is my greatest plea."

"Okay, well we're just gonna go now, Darbo." Sticky said. "It's getting kind of late and a storm is brew-." But once again, the man would not let them leave.

"Wait!" he called out. "Don't forget about your free complimentary gift! You get one every time you visit the National Shack of Shaving Cream!"

This time, Sticky ignored him. He pushed Constance back to Mr. Benedict's house with the bags on his arm, Darbo's weird mumbling ringing in his ears, and the sky dripping rain droplets down on him.

All the way back, Constance's words rang out:

**This hobo smells like old socks, he's an odd one for sure. He talks to a ferret, I think he's disturbed!**

**You should review this because that would make you nice. Everyone loves a nice person. Thanks for reading.**


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